We're Adopting! (posted 2018)
We’re adopting! It has been a wild and great adventure over the last several years and we could not be any more excited to start our family!
It seemed like God was quiet for a long period of time. It was a season of praying, crying (lots of crying), doubting, and declaring promises with what faith we could muster up. I don’t want to downplay or dramatize this season, simply put: infertility sucks. It is not His will and our hearts longed for breakthrough and victory. We sought answers and treatment from several specialists but continued to experience month after month of negative pregnancy tests and ultimately an unexplained infertility diagnosis.
Through it all, He has been so patient, gentle and such an incredibly good Father. We are confident that He has a beautiful plan for us, and has given us time to process, grow, and grieve while continually drawing us to His heart. We’ve been reminded that just because we don’t hear Him, doesn’t mean He’s not working (thank goodness for that!).
One evening while we were cooking dinner Josh first brought up adoption. If you know Josh, you know that he is the most genuine and sincere in everything he does, and this conversation was no exception. (Cue all the tears from me on this one) From there, we started asking questions, lots of questions: What does the Lord say about adoption? Will adoption bring us closer to the Father? Will it make us depend on Him more? Will it show us a new room of His heart? Will it be a representation of the kingdom? Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. On that very first night, something shifted and the only way we can explain it is the Holy Spirit was moving. Months later, its still a rush of Him doing the same.
Once we first spoke the word of adoption with our hearts and lips, it was like the Lord blew a HUGE gust of wind behind this decision. It seemed like He wanted US to make the decision- a choice in freedom, a choice in trust- a mutual trust- we trust Him and He trusts us. It seemed as if we were stepping into this incredible, beautiful story that He was already writing. We could just feel His gladness and His laughter as we stepped into this story that was already ours even though we didn’t know it yet.
As our decision became more final and we started taking steps to move forward, I felt a sense of purpose, calling, and confidence like I never have before. It was a tangible peace beyond understanding and what felt like the first full breath I had taken in a couple of years. Every part of me felt alive, lighter, and giddy.
I wouldn’t change a thing about the last couple of years to see where we are now. Infertility still doesn’t make sense. Do we still believe God is a God of miracles? 100%. Do we believe that adoption is our miracle and an absolute privilege? 100% yes. Do we believe God caused our infertility so we would adopt? A firm no, that’s not His nature. We do confidently know that He turned this brokenness into something far greater that we could ever come up with on our own. We absolutely cannot wait to be parents. I am in awe that this story is ours.